Have been rotting in the hotel pretty much these couple of days. Finally had some time off to think about my life. Had planned to do more things in the hotel but ended up drowning in thoughts...
Let's start with my past. My life was never smooth-sailing. Like what I was telling Joanne earlier, you need some shitty times in life to better appreciate the good times. There needs to be a balance. Too much good time is as bad as too much shitty time. So I appreciate both the bad and good times.
The bad times made me a stronger/ better person. And I'm glad I came out of those bad times being stronger/better. I always believe in the saying "you decide if the stone in your path is a tripping or stepping stone". If you know what I mean.
I appreciate the good times. You'll know this feeling when you go "Those were the days...." These will be beautiful memories that you carry with you through your life and nobody can take it away. I want to remember every itch of of happiness and joy and put them in the safe box called "memories".
These few days I have been trying to understand myself better. What kind of person am I? What makes me who I am today? How can I be a better person? What I want in the future? All the heavy thoughts flooded my mind.
Generally I'm a happy person. Many people said so. Zi-highing plays a part in it, but I think the real reason is I prefer myself to be happy. Being happy is a choice of the individual. We all have to learn to take things in stride. Everyone wants the best, but if you can't have the best, you have to learn to be happy with what you have, and make the best out of it.
Another piece of advise, quoted from Vincent: Have no expectation. To illustrate, imagine your expectation is 100%, there is a 99% probability you will be disappointed and 1% chance that the outcome is what you expect. You wont even feel delighted because you expected 100%. But if you expect 0%, there is 99% chance that the outcome will be better than what you expect, and worst case scenario is you get what you expected. Got it? Easier said than done?
So what makes me who I am today? Circumstances I've been through as well as the people in my life have shaped me along the way. I am glad to be me, really. I always think if you have lost a million bucks before for example, you wouldn't mind so much about losing one hundred bucks (as compared to someone who hasn't lost anything in his/her life). So I reckon along the way, somewhere, I experience something bad enough to minimize the problems I face from then on.
But there's always room for improvement. I'm not sure how I can be a better person but I guess I shall start by appreciating the people around me more, reciprocate as much as I can, and try to have no expectations=)
Last but not least, my future. I have been thinking hard about what I want, trust me. After much thoughts, there is nothing that I want except to be with people I love. To me, love is a powerful thing. As long as I'm with my loved ones, I'm sure I can overcome the "stones" ahead to my future.
Will you join me??
